12. Stop Competing With Other Women - Unraveling Women's Dynamics to Build an Authentic Sisterhood

Welcome to a new episode of Sensual Secrets. Today, let's dive into a powerful discussion on the competition and hostility we can experience between women—the feelings of intimidation, comparison, and entering spaces of groups of women who are already connected. I'll share personal experiences of how overcoming my insecurities has helped me to be able to deeply connect with women.  To finish off I highlight the magic of creating safe sisterhood spaces.

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Link To Resources:
Online coaching: https://www.soli-souls.com/

Connect on Socials:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/liekeselis/

Transcript

Hello, beautiful souls and welcome to a new episode of Sensual Secrets.  Today I want to talk about competition between women, or hostility between women. Feelings of intimidation that might arise being in contact with other women. Entering a group of women who are already friends, just in general interactions between women, women among women.  


And I'll just discuss where these feelings might come from and how we experience it.  How I have experienced this in my life or how insecurities of mine have created me being in certain situations.  

And then I also want to share. The importance and the magic of creating safe spaces where we can connect in sisterhood.  

So. To start off.  

A lot of us have these similar experience that we feel intimidated by entering a space filled with women, or that we even might have hostility and experience competition between ourselves and other women. 

This competition might be created due to the fact that we compare ourselves a lot.  We need to be better compared to someone else, or I need to be at least at the same level. And it might make us feel smaller and so insecure. If in certain areas, other women are doing better or being ahead. In your eyes. Compared to yourself. And especially in our society today in our beautiful patriarchy.  Where we experience a lot of focus and attention goes to the physical female body. And when we start, comparing ourselves to these unrealistic ideals of physical bodies It might create a lot of insecurities. And I know that even though I fit the normal bodily range.  I had so many physical insecurities.  And even today, I still always. And even today, I still don't always love every part of my body. The way it should be loved. Because our bodies are vessels of life. 

The female body is something so special and carries so much power. I think it's the biggest power in the world that we can actually create the life and sustain life with our bodies. And I understand that it might be something very intimidating to men out there. 

And so true comparing ourselves to other women. We might be scared to be judged by others or we ourselves might judge auto women. And the way that they behave in the way that they show up, are you might see them as a competition in getting the most amount of attention. Attention from men or a sexual attention from other women or just praise from other women. And you might not feel seen yourself. 

So where does this feeling intimidated or does hostility come from.  And I know that for me personally, it was definitely a comfort zone thing.   It was so much easier to just be surrounded by guys, be one of the guys. I didn't have to talk about my emotions either.  And they just come up to you. Because they naturally want to hunt and they naturally approach women. 

So you don't have to take the action and you don't have to make the effort and invest the energy into. Opening up to other women and have the courage to actually step up to other women's and to be like, Hey, I want to connect.  Because guys will come up to you anyway.  And as long as you feel safe with them and you make it clear. That you are just friends, and that they shouldn't expect anything more than friendship. And you make it clear that there's no sexual interest on your side. Even though they might still feel that in some way.  You can just be one of the guys and just be, you don't have to make an effort to have social contact. You can just chill with your mates. 

And I was talking with my friend the other day and she has had a similar experience because it's just easier to be one of the guys. There's less drama, just less gossip. There's less, there's less emotional conversation going on. You don't have to dig so deep. You don't have to dig deeply into yourself. 

You don't have to be as vulnerable as you are in connecting deeply with other women. 

And you get taken care of. If you're surrounded by guys, they all have the urge to take care of women. So, whatever it is you need they're there to protect you or to provide for you. Even as friends. It's just in their nature.  And it's, and it's a beautiful thing to experience. 

But what my friend told me as well is that she was influenced by her mother saying that she could never trust women. That you should always watch out for other women, because you never know when they turn their back on you because they turn their heads with the wind.  And my friend realized how toxic disbelief is, and it's a self fulfilling prophecy. And that's the only thing you will constantly find evidence for in your own environment, if that is your core belief about other women. It will be very difficult to connect.  

So I invite you for yourself to check in.  And to see if you have any unhealthy beliefs regarding other women. Do you have any hostile beliefs that prevent you from connecting openly or deeply with auto women? 

In my own experience. I used to be way more insecure when I was younger. But I was longing for more sister connections. For more connections with women. I was done hanging out with just guys and being one of the guys. I wanted to connect deeper and to feel understood on a different level. Something that a man could never give me. Because we are just fundamentally different. 

And I realized that some of my interactions with other women, not all of them, of course, you'll always have a few friends or your mother or your sister who you feel accepted by. 

But I definitely did have some interactions in which I didn't feel. Welcome. I didn't feel accepted. And I really came to the realization that it was just a reflection of my own insecurities of the energy that I was sending out because I wasn't feeling secure in myself.  I didn't openly connect with them and I didn't confidently show myself. I wasn't able to be vulnerable  with them. And my inability to connect openly and lovingly with them was reflected back as a mirror.  

And so the moment that I made the switch.  Into feeling confident in myself, loving myself more, when I started overcoming a lot of my insecurities. And I started openly and lovingly connecting with others and I started to connect non-judgemental and showing love to other women. That's when it all switched. 

And my whole environment changed. And I consciously created the sisterhood connections that I was longing for.  

And I can create a safe environment for myself and choose who I hang out with and set the tone of the interactions that I want to have with women in leading by example.  I don't want to be surrounded by a hostile, bitchy or gossiping, talking behind-the-back kind of environment.  And when my environment is a mirror reflection of myself. I have to lead by example and don't participate in these behaviours.  

Because the people around you and your environment is truly a reflection of yourself. And if you don't want any of this bullshit around you. Lead by example. 

Check in with yourself. How do you choose to act? Are you acting in a loving, open, caring genuine way without judgment?  Did you stop gossiping or when someone else is gossiping do you pull them up on it? 

And then you will attract those women around you and you won't settle for less. You won't be interested in investing energy, into creating deeper connections or being vulnerable with women who don't also show these qualities.  And that doesn't mean that you can never be mistaken or you find it hard to let go of a few lifelong friends that actually don't resonate anymore with the person you are today.  But evaluate for yourself who you choose to invest your time and energy in. Is this investment in this friendship reciprocal?  And does this make your life more beautiful? Or are you just wasting your precious time and energy and even experience a negative impact on your mood or your life  when you hang out more with certain people, 

And so in curating our personal environment and really wanting those beautiful loving women around me in my life I also love entering conscious sisterhood spaces.  And I love to curate these spaces myself. As I'm doing in Belgium in February as I'm going there for a few weeks, to host a women's retreat. And set up some more workshops for women to gather in a beautiful, safe space where we can have fun laugh, cry. Whatever it is that is needed. Anything is welcome. 

But entering D spaces can be so intimidating. And I hear this from a lot of clients that they initially have so many fears or difficulties to come to these spaces, to enter these spaces and open up and feel safe and a group of women.  Until they do and experience it. 

And so I feel that it's my purpose, my mission to help auto women feel safe, that they're able to experience this magic that happens inside of these magical circles. 

And once again, earlier today, I was reminded of the healing power of simply women sitting together in circle.  I went to this feminine embodiment workshop here on the island. 

And this was one of my main realizations.  How deeply moved I was that this is my purpose because it's so healing. And all we need to do is just show up, show up as ourselves and sit in circle. 

And our innate instincts to connect, share support and care will naturally flow and create further magic.  And anytime I host one of these events or I go to one of these events. The magic is always so unexpected and way more powerful than you could ever imagine.  

And that's such a cool and interesting part of it.  And I feel like it's my purpose to create loving environments. So others can overcome their fears of being vulnerable, to truly be seen as their authentic selves and experience this safe sisterhood space, where you are understood and supported by otters. 

And you give it shutter to permission to be whoever you are or, however you want to express yourself in that moment. And this in itself is so empowering. And even though emotions often flow freely in these events or these spaces.  I always leave the spaces lighter and empowered feeling supported and understood. 

And I know that so many other women out there have similar experiences. 

To finish off something that might really help when you feel intimidated to join such a space. Is just to remind yourself of the fact that every woman who enters this space. Consciously goes there and sets the intention to contribute, to be open to each other and has a loving mindset. And all that you need to do is to show up as exactly yourself.  And I'll leave it at that. Have a beautiful day.