Sensual Secrets
In this podcast we talk about how you can live in pleasure by embracing your feminine energy, finding and nurturing a deeply loving relationship and growing into the best version of yourself.
My name is Lieke Selis and I will be your host guiding you on this intimate journey of self-discovery.
Sensual Secrets
4. Find the Right Partner for You - Transform Your Love Life Through Finding and Honouring Clarity
I hope this podcast will help you on your journey of self-discovery to embrace the power of your feminine energy and help you to find and nurture love into a power couple relationship.
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Hello, beautiful souls and welcome to a new episode of sensual secrets.
Today. I want to talk about how to find the right person for you. But before we get started. I would love to first thank you, thank you deeply and thank you so much for tuning in and joining me on this journey at the start of this podcast, I'm super excited to where it will lead me.
And I'm really looking forward to just getting better and better at this and sharing as much value and wisdom with you as I possibly can.
Where do you start when you want to find the right person for you? How do you know that it's the right person for you and how do you even know what you want in life?
In my own journey, I firstly had to know that I was ready to be able to be in a sustainable relationship. Because I used to be a very avoidant person. I had an avoidant attachment style, and that meant that I used to long for a deeply loving relationship, but I used to continuously have self-sabotaging thinking and behavior which used to prevent me from actually being able to have a deeply loving relationship to have sustainability in a relationship.
For example, I used to think like, what if there's something better out there, but what if, what if this is not it? I had this kind of fear of missing out. Of something that I hadn't experienced even, but I felt not completely satisfied with where I was at, always looking outside for what if there's something more.
And after getting rid of a lot of those self-sabotaging behaviors, finally, I felt ready to be in a beautiful, deeply connected relationship. I felt ready to share my life with someone. And that first of all was such a relief to me. Like finally, I can do it. I can be a hundred percent in I can be all in. I can go for this and know that this is the person that I want to share my life with and I can really fully give it my all to make this work.
And to find that person. I started with finding clarity within myself first and finding clarity really specifically on what do I want in life? How do I want to live my life? What do I want my relationship to look like?
And with that. So many other aspects of life come into play. What do I want in my finances? What do I want in my career and my free time. Where do I want to live? All of these things at first had to know for myself to then eventually be able to make a list. Make a list of what my dream partner would look like. And I learned this from Tony Robbins from a course that I did. God bless. Tony Robbins.
Thank you so much for all the wisdom that you share. And. I just started writing out every possible characteristic of my dream partner that I could think of. I didn't take into account any limitations ,just, what do I want in life? How do I want to spend my life? What kind of person do I want to spend my life with? What do I want that dream partner to feel like, to look like, to act like. And so I started writing down things such as I want him to be spontaneous.
I want him to be emotionally mature. I want him to be a good communicator. I want them to be growth minded. I want them to be financially intelligent. I want him to be a good lover. I want him to be passionate. I want them to be so many things and the list went on and on and on, and next to that next to the inner characteristics, I also wrote down just what do I want them to look like? .
And after having written down that list of my dream partner and really describing in every possible detail that I could think of, this is what my dream partner looks like. After that, I reflected that list back onto myself. And that's where the reality check comes in because we can dream all we want and we can demand that we find the best partner. We can say that we want the perfect man that we want the divine masculine to show up. But as long as we want all of these things from someone, but we don't reflect it back at ourselves, then who are we to match with a person like that? In order for us to be able to be with a partner like that and in order for that partner to be attracted to us as well, to me as well. I need to show up as a match for that partner. So I mirrored that list back to myself. And I asked myself, where can I still grow? Where am I still lacking in this list of my dream partner? And how can I still become a better version of myself? To be able to match with a partner who has all of these beautiful characteristics. And in my case that used to be, I needed to pick up my financial freedom. I needed to become a better communicator. I had so much more to learn, in, in regards to of emotional intelligence.
And I got to work with all of these things that I was still lacking in. And I, first of all, started to become aware of it, which is beautiful because in a way you become your own dream version, your own dream partner by doing this.
So after becoming aware of this, I also went over my list of my dream partner and I said, okay, which are non-negotiables for me? Which are the things on this list that I certainly cannot live without.
Like when I meet someone, these are the things that I can't do without, they're not up for negotiation. The person that I meet on the street or on a dating app or. In whatever setting, if they don't have these characteristics. Then I know that I protect myself from this. I don't get emotionally involved. Because we are not in alignment with what we want in life. We don't want the same things.
And I think that is a very important step. To become aware of preventing yourself from feeling heartbreak and not putting yourself into situations that you have a beautiful connection with someone, but then a year down the line, two years down the line, you realize that you actually want completely different things in life, and you want to live a different life and your values don't match or the way you see your development or your life path doesn't line up.
So after spending beautiful years together of having a really good time, You actually have to break up because for example, one of you wants to have kids at some point and the other one just does not want to have kids. And so for me, a few of these non negotiables where that. They need to want to have kids, because I think that's a pretty big deal breaker. Not that I was ready for kids yet, and I'm not yet now, but at some point I do want to be a mother. So I need to have a partner who's open to that idea. And another thing that was really important for me was that they would want to live a nomadic lifestyle, want to live all over the world.
I didn't want to find someone in Belgium where I'm from that would just want to stay living in Belgium because I know that That is not the place where I'm the happiest, where I'm the most shiniest version of myself. So no matter where around the world, I would find my partner. I needed to know that they would want to live in different places and to scratch my own itch of wanting to explore and living an adventurous life and growing through living in different cultures and different places. And meeting new people and living in new communities.
I think the most important thing on my list that wasn't non-negotiable was for them to be growth minded. I am a person that loves growing that loves improving myself and becoming a better and better version of myself. And I think. That's a non-negotiable for my partner as well for my dream partner, because I know that whatever issue there is on all the other aspects of the list. As long as you're both growth minded, you can always improve yourself individually and together and become better at it. For example, if it's communication, if it's financial intelligence, if it's all of these things, we can grow and we can learn if it's that I have a need for to be more romantic or to experience more passion, as long as the other person is willing to also self-reflect and to adapt to make us, both of us happier individually and as a team in a relationship to have a true partnership that supports each other to become a happier or better version of ourselves. That growth mindset that's all you need to tackle any other issue that might come up in my opinion.
And so yeah, after you have made that list after I've made that list, I think one of the most important things is honesty, honesty with myself and to take aligned action based upon the clarity that I have gained. Because it doesn't matter if I have this list and I have all this clarity. If I just let people walk all over me, just because I like a guys, just because I think it's beautiful the way he's treating me in certain aspects, or I just think he's really, really fucking hot. And I forget all of the other things on my list and I just go with the flow. And I kind of reject myself in a certain way because I know that I'm not in full alignment with this partner.
So In order to be honest with yourself and live in alignment with your deepest truth you have to learn to say no to things that aren't in alignment with you in order to create space for something beautiful that is truly a match for you to come in. You need to say no to the things that aren't fully you, that aren't fully making you happy that aren't fully your jam.
In order to do that, you need to be in a trusting mindset and an abundant mindset and knowing that whatever is meant for you will come for you. As long as you stay true to yourself. Because if you're not true to yourself, how in God's name will that ever find you will that what is a match you ever find you. If you're not showing up as your authentic self as your true self, then there's no matching vibration. With the ather erson who is alike who is exactly what you want.
And so. Taking aligned action within those values and within that clarity of what you want. That is, for example, placing yourself in situations where you will find that partner, if you want a parter that is super into health and living a healthy lifestyle, then. I don't go looking for them in a nightclub, go looking for them in a gym, in a fitness. And if you want to have a partner who is super spiritually open, super conscious, go and look for them in certain spiritual workshops that you can do.
The chances that you will connect with someone are way higher if those aspects tend to be so important for you. Put yourself in those places.
And that aligned action is truly something that prevents you from getting hurt. Because you can build beautiful connections with so many people around the world. But it's really important to know that with only a few of them you would actually share your life because they are truly aligned with how you want to spend your life, how you want to live your life. And so when you get to know someone and you have the first date, the second date, the third date get to know them really on a deeper level and on those aspects that are important to you.
Figure those things out before you get emotionally attached before you build a connection and it becomes more and more difficult to say goodbye to that person because you're actually having a good time and you really like them but it could be the deep down, you know, that. They're not aligned with how they want to spend their life. But you're just enjoying your time together because it's been so long since you've had this connection with someone for example,
I think in those cases that you're lying to yourself and you're actually gonna end up hurting yourself. Because you know that it's not right for you. Still, you blindly or while living in denial, you keep walking this path and sharing this path with this other person who, you know, Isn't the picture perfect. You are ignoring a piece of the picture, a piece that might leave you feeling heartbroken after a month, two months, a year, five years. You need to be honest with yourself and look at the whole picture of this person. Does this person offer me what I need? Does this person share the same values as me. Does this person want to live the same life as I do. Does he want to go towards the same direction?
Or are they open to coming together and to figure it out together. But they need to show up and be willing to do that. You can't change a person you can't hope for a better version, a different version of them in the future. They need to show up and they need to show you by actions and not words that they are actively and willingly wanting to do this. And as long as you keep dragging someone into a certain narrative into a certain story, And you deny a piece of the picture. Then. You are lying to yourself.
And you could prevent yourself from hurting a whole lot by not doing this and just. Sober and pretty objective try to look at the truth of, this is my clarity This is what I want. Does this person match with what I want? Especially on the non-negotiables.
And so, yeah. That is what I did and that is how I found my beautiful partner. And how I've been able to stay in this relationship by working on myself. By working together as a team and carving this life path out together. And I think it's really important to keep that connection there.
I hope that it's valuable to you, that you will be inspired to make that list, to get that clarity for you. To be able to live in alignment with that and find that partner, find your dream partner.
And i'll leave it at that have a beautiful day.