Sensual Secrets
In this podcast we talk about how you can live in pleasure by embracing your feminine energy, finding and nurturing a deeply loving relationship and growing into the best version of yourself.
My name is Lieke Selis and I will be your host guiding you on this intimate journey of self-discovery.
Sensual Secrets
3. Jealousy and the Sisterhood Wound - Stop Dimming Your Light to Fit In.
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Hello, beautiful souls and welcome to a new episode of Sensual Secrets.
Today I want to talk about the sisterhood wound and leading up to that I'll discuss jealousy, the emotion of jealousy and where it might come from, how it can come from our insecurities or through. Comparing ourselves with others.
And in making that comparison, I'll discuss two pathways that we can take when we compare ourselves with others. And one of those pathways leads to love and acceptance and creating a beautiful sisterhood and feeling that connection with other women.
But one of the pathways that we can take in comparing ourselves with others is the one of disconnection and the one where we actually create and contribute to the sisterhood wound in which we feel the disconnect from each other, in which we see each other as an enemy and create a distance instead of love.
And then to Close off, we'll discuss a few ways of how we can actually heal the sisterhood wound and how we can come back together. By fully stepping into our own authentic power and supporting each other in doing that. So let's get started.
First of all, I would like to touch upon an emotion that contributes to the sisterhood wound and that is jealousy.
I think that in reality, Nobody really wants to feel this low vibration, this inner emotional turmoil. Because when you feel this you're suffering. It doesn't feel nice. It hurts. It makes you feel like shit and actually, you are the one who loses by embodying jealousy. And on top of that, all the people around you who you interact with while you are in that state of being in that state of mind when you are feeling jealous they suffer as well.
For example, imagine feeling jealous in a certain situation in your relationship and then interacting with your partner. It will definitely not be your most loving interaction or one of your proudest moments. And it's not going to make him or her or whoever, whatever fills in the gap for you, it's not going to make them fall deeper and deeper in love with you.
You're probably not showing up as the girl that they madly fell in love with. It's probably even having the opposite effect and driving him away, making him feel less attracted to you. Yes, I've seen it happen firsthand. When you see that look in someone's eyes. I just like, oh babe, why.
But often this jealousy is simply rooted in insecurities like a fear of not being good enough or a fear of being abandoned or being abandoned because you don't feel good enough. So there's a fear of being replaced or being judged in comparison with someone else and that someone else might be a sister, another woman.
And even though our logical mind knows that our partner loves us. And that there's no sound reason for us to go into comparing ourselves and to go into these fears. We all have subconscious programming that might take us there once in a while.
Because, yes, we are all human and sometimes it happens that we compare ourselves with someone else even without realizing it. And so when you do.
When you compare yourself with someone else there are two options, two completely different pathways on how you go about this.
First of all, you choose love. You wish everybody around you all the best in the world and everything, their heart desires because you have faith that there's an ever-expanding abundance available in this world.
And because someone else has something that you like or want that doesn't mean that it takes away from you or your part or what is possible for you. On the contrary, you can take this as an inspiration for what is possible and follow in their steps to fulfil your own dreams. And you could see it and you could perceive it as being so grateful for them to have already figured it out and save you the time and effort to try and figure it out all by yourself.
And you could really genuinely have these beautiful thoughts and feelings of thanking them. Thank you so much for showing me the way and showing me that it is possible if it's possible for you that means that it is definitely possible for me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I will surely find my own way with your guidance, with your help with you as an inspiration.
But then the other option, the other choice is when you take the path of disconnection separation. When you're seeing that other person, that sister as someone other than you and framing them as an enemy. Enhancing all the differences of what you have or who you are and what you don't have or are, and creating this feeling of envy inside of you, of wanting what this other person has, because you don't feel happiness or gratitude in this moment in time for your own life, for your own circumstances.
When there is a gap between what your dream life might look like and what your current reality is. And by seeing that in someone else it's as if they're putting it in your face, they're putting it onto you and just lack of it becomes so obvious in your own life. And. You choose to focus on this. What actually doesn't help you to get there. It doesn't help you to actually close the gap. Even worse when you focus on this gap and all the things that you don't have, but you see it in other people and you have a feeling of envy of jealousy coming up. That means that you're focusing on all the negative things and all the things that you don't have, and you will get more of that. You will get more of what you focus on.
So instead of feeling inspired, you focus on all the gaps, all the differences, which takes you further and further away from realizing your dreams, realizing your dream version of yourself and closing that gap for yourself.
And so in sisterhood, or as being a woman you might experience this comparison and disconnect yourselves by seeing the other woman as competition. When you enhance all the differences and minimize all the common traits by focusing on this or having this perception, you eventually create. an imaginary enemy, a persona completely, other than yourself, completely estranged from you. You create a distance between the two of you, you feel a separation where there could be love.
And on the receiving end, this generates a reciprocal feeling. What is being sent out is being received and interpreted and mirrored back. ,
You might start thinking, oh my God, this woman doesn't like me at all. And you start acting more closed off, which in turn creates more separation because the other woman will mirror this as well.
And then she will close herself off more. And then before you know, it, you're going right down a big, bad, negative spiral of disconnection with her and with yourself. Because subconsciously all you really want is to be accepted, to be liked. And so. In the moment the solution might seem that you'll try not to be as much of yourself so that she likes you, and that you are accepted and that you fit in. Because when you're being your true, authentic self you feel judged. So you'll make sure. To stop, getting attention to stop sharing your genuine, authentic light. Only to please others and to fit in. Because those others are in your perception, not accepting you for the way you are for who you are. And you will start to feel smaller. You will start to feel as if there's something wrong with you, with who you truly are. And you will start to behave smaller and start to contract more and more and dim your light until there's nothing left of your beautiful, unique, radiance. And the more you do this the more you give power to those judgments. The more that you enhance those insecurities and start doubting yourself more until you become so afraid to show your true self to the world.
And this cycle goes on and on and on, and we prevent each other and ourselves from being more beautiful and powerful because of a false sense of separation and competition.
So a few ways that we can turn this around is by firstly, honouring the sisterhood and looking for all the similarities and the connection. . And we can do this by opening up and being vulnerable with each other. Through sharing our own journey and wisdom, so that my sister, you, her, she can recognize herself in me and feel safe to open up too, and that is why I love hosting and going to women's circles or sharing some kind of sacred space with other women. It can be so healing because you truly connect with each other and you feel understood and supported. And every experience that I have had in hosting or attending these spaces has been unexpectedly magical and really nurturing. As if you're being filled up with love through this deep connection that you create together. Just by realizing how alike you are, how much she is your sister, how much we go through the same emotions we go through similar scenarios in life. And how much love and support we can give each other and how much we can learn from each other. Having been through similar things.
And secondly, we can heal this sister wound. By being our authentic self and just showing up as ourselves, no matter what. by caring less about what other people's judgements or opinions are. And that actually means for you to stop judging yourself and accepting and loving yourself more and more for who you are and what you offer to this world.
Because all it takes is one person to realize that we're all losing collectively in this way. And to stand up and break this cycle by being herself in her true power and glory.
And yeah, it takes courage. It's not the easiest thing to do, knowing that it might trigger other women. That they might openly judge you and that can hurt.
But when you stay open and you stay in love, living in love, being love. Giving and receiving love for yourself and for these other women with compassion. There will be a moment that they start realizing this and you show them the inspiration. And they will be ready to live and embody that themselves and then to lead other women into this in their own unique way. And before you know it, you can support each other while feeling individually empowered.
By honouring your authentic self, your unique magic, and that of your sisters. You can give and receive so much more power. Beauty. Pleasure. Love. Collectively through that sisterhood that you alone could never generate.
So that's a little bit more about how we can heal this sisterhood wound and heal dimming our light for others or unconsciously ask others to dim their light for us.
And I'll leave it at that. Have a beautiful day.